Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Do Not.

To all my jaded birds out there...
{Life, Live it Out Loud}

Coo coo.


Ikea.


I love this part.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Mi casa.

{LifeLiveitOutLoud}

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Life.

{Leese Looks}

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Lately.

I have wrestled with the pie graph of happiness in my life.

Work: 75%.
Relationships: 25%.

That's what my goal has been for the 25 years of my life thus far.

It was impossible to alter the ratio.

Even the Seattle Times reports: Nearly 10 million Americans worked more than 60 hours a week last year, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics found. We've outpaced the famously productive Japanese in hours worked. We're the only developed nation without mandatory vacation time. And, according to Expedia.com's annual vacation poll, one in three of us will take no vacation this year.


I don't know when or why I adopted this dependency, but the feeling of achieving efficiency in utilizing all hours while awake, was the high I needed to feel every hectic day. A constant go-go-go was what I thrived on. Thus, the minute I saw an empty set of consecutive hours in my agenda, I thought to myself... I'm being lazy. In my book, I equated laziness to the utter failure of one's ability to contribute an ounce of good into the day, into the world, and into society.

The pros, the product of that mentality, is my business that I began at an early age.
However, the cons have become rather impossible to ignore, and thus surfaced my anxiety-ridden sleep and my now, naturally-clenched shoulders while uselessly attempting to do this thing that everyone insists I do: relax.

I've spent time chewing on the tipping scales of being at either end of the productivity line, and have yet to find the balance I want right now.
I was about to type "need for my life," but instead, I corrected it as want.

You see, these days, I see that to claim to be a workaholic, has become the greatest bragging right amongst the white collared. (Or the 'hard working' ones, that is).
It's a quick and quiet jab at those who snooze to slump around their jammies while the extra five minutes creep immanently closer as your eyes begin to droop. It puts to shame the men who insist on golfing as opposed to being holed up in their office, or cubicle, or cage. Is there really a difference at times?

I believe that this nation has now become one that praises and extols those with an extensive list of credentials, rather than the quality of morals, life, and relationships.
Work + money > love + life.
I not only believed this philosophy, but preached it to anyone who cared to listen.
Why?
Because it was a sure bet! I'd say.

 Can you rely on love, emotion or a partner to bring fulfillment to your life?
No.
But can you count on your own strengths and ability to be a hard worker to bring in that paycheck at the end of the month?
Yes.
Then what was there to deliberate?

Strip yourself of emotion.
Go with LOGIC.

But I look at my half-assed love, and my lackadaisical effort put into the relationships that has consequently watered my soul... and see that I have chosen poorly.


I see now, that what I considered to be strength in shutting down my heart/emotions, only brought me a mundane purposeless life, where the reliable factors that played into my every day life... only kept me further away from grasping and embracing the soul of LIFE.


I attribute many people in the past year of my life, who have unknowingly and unconsciously showed me the sacrifice of letting go of myself, and loving without boundaries and controlled limits.
The tumultuous roller coaster that ensued left me a little banged up emotionally and mentally here and there, but just as it is when any terrifying but electrifying ride is over, you breathe a sigh of relief, and have a huge grin on your face in the light of your achievement.


I see now, that LOVE, is everything to me now.
But LOVE is what you want it to be.
My problem all along, was that love, needed to be quantified. Measured. Poked and prodded at until I felt comfortable with it.
But LOVE is not something you can put in a pea tree dish to examine.
LOVE is that dark tunnel you throw yourself in, with the faith and hope that you will reach that light on the other side, hand in hand, with the one you LOVE.


This entry is a little all over the place, I know.
But my point is... LOVE > everything/anything/anyone/YOURSELF.


The sooner we realize this, and abandon our pride/ego/selfishness/denial... the sooner we really start to live.


Because churning at that hamster wheel may produce fruits of labor, but not the fruits of love and life.
This is my new realization.
This is my new truth.
And I love it.