#4. Expectations.

When we were all growing up, we had our own picture of where we wanted to be.

My memory of childhood wanting, is one of my best friend and I, 13 years old, in our junior high parking lot. We were waiting for our enviously-cool high school sisters to pick us up- which equated to them walking on the other side of the street as us, and barely shooting glances, only to ensure we were within the 6-foot radius that we were allowed back then.

There we were in our starchy uniforms sitting on the curb yanking at old dandelions that had sprung up between the cracks. Tiny chasms that such a plant we could effortlessly pluck, had created between asphalt, where the same hands that destroyed a weed, could not dream of prying open.

There we were, with our bouquet of dandelions, our messy ponytails and unaware innocence. With the afternoons crawling by, and the laziness of 3:00 PM sweeping over us, we dared to ask...

Where will you be at the age of 25?

* * *
My simple dream was this:

"I want to be in New York... bright lights, skyscrapers, Time Square.... or Paris! How romantic..." [oh really?]

My friend nodded dazing into the afternoon sky. Surely coming up with a mildly similar scene herself.

"I see myself in a fabulous little black dress with a martini in hand," I added.

Drink of choice now: Malibu Pineapple. A far cry from the glamorous martini.

* * *
And that was it.

That's what happiness at 25 looked like in the eyes of a 13-year-old.

But how beautiful that dream was.

And how much more precious it is now.

* * *
At my quarter century milestone now, I tip my head back and laugh with a dozen years to back me.

While at first the memory sobers me up as I look at the contrast between fantasy vs. reality, I cannot help but be grateful as well.

* * *

You see, so many of us have expectations of our own to fulfill.
To meet.
To execute.
To exceed.

And even more of us, have our family's expectations, particularly mom's or dad's, our culture's, society's, what have you... and the whole cloud of expectations leaves us in a haze.

A haze that so many of us have expertly adapted to, and can navigate about without a headlight.

I found a slightly masochistic comfort in that haze and knew nothing but the unending anxiety of having to meet one expectation, only to be thrown into the cycle of meeting another.




But I found that I hold the key to actively fan through this haze I've been in.

And now, it is time to let go of these expectations that bound me to a life of slavery that I shackled myself to.




Because you see, we are free of this.
We always have been.


* * *


A friend asked me tonight, "Is this where you imagined you'd be at 25?"

But as I silently reminisced on what I had dreamed of in junior high, I could not be sad any longer about it.

I merely said, "I'm where I should be."

"Right now. Just like last year was where I needed to be in order to be here today. And this is all shaping me to be 26 next year as well."














This is how the fog is lifted.



* * *


So whether you're 13, 25, or 50, own it.
Live it.
Thrive in it.
And most importantly, relish it.

Because time is whipping by us... and it goes by at such a speed where we can't even dream of catching it to slow it down.

All that time allows us to do, is to be present.

Right here, right now.

* * *



Don't let anyone tell you where you ought to be.

If where you are, is what makes you happy.

To each his own...




We'll all get there.

Have faith and have hope.

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them."
~Louisa May Alcott

[My best friend & I, overlooking San Francisco, amidst the fog. 11/08]